Damn Good Daddy

Tuesday will mark 24 years since my father passed away. It’s hard to believe it’s been that many years. I think about all the things he’s missed in that time. He’s missed marriages – John’s and Paul’s; he’s missed grandchildren – Jack, Allen and Boyce. He’s missed things like my getting my MBA and getting divorced. He wasn’t here to help Mother get through her health issues. Or maybe, if he’d been here, she wouldn’t have had them at all. He’s missed small things, everyday things. I’ve written before about Daddy and been all sad and morose. I still feel sad whenever I think about him and I miss him as much today as I did 24 years ago. But I thought maybe this time I’d do something a little different.

I’ve always said that Daddy was the best father ever. I know there are other people that would challenge me on that, but I bet there are lots of great fathers out there. I thought I’d talk about what made him such a great father. And maybe, if anyone else reads this, you’ll see your father in some of these, or maybe you have others to add.

1. A good daddy will make sure that you have your favorite dishes whenever you’re at home. I always loved waffles. And so every time I came home from school, Daddy made waffles. Of course, I think I was the primary person that ate them and I always ate more than I should have because I didn’t want him to think no one was eating his waffles! Those waffles were always made with love though.

2. A really good daddy will take you on a scary ride, even if he doesn’t think you’ll like it. We were at some local fair and I really wanted to go on this one particular ride. Daddy didn’t think I would like it, but we got on it anyway. And he was right. I screamed bloody murder and, being the good daddy he was, he got the guy to stop it for me.

3. A good daddy takes his daughter on daddy-daughter dates. Sometimes they’re scheduled events, like the daddy-daughter Girl Scout dinners. Daddy and I made meatloaf to take and had a great time. And sometimes it was just a surprise, like after I spent a whole summer doing more than my normal chores because Mother had broken her ankle. We got dressed up and he let me order what I wanted AND he ordered me a Shirley Temple cocktail.

4. A good daddy tells you why school is important. Daddy had nearly flunked out of college the first time he went, so I didn’t understand why he got so mad when I got an F in Chemistry my freshman year of college. I didn’t really understand why he wasn’t more empathetic. But it was really because he didn’t want me to mess up my opportunity and he wanted me to take it seriously. I (stupidly) told him that I was changing my major (from accounting to something else) because I didn’t want to have to study that hard. I got quite a lecture about the fact that studying was what I was in school to do, but then he helped me pick a more Marian-friendly major.

5. A good daddy will show you, by example, that pulling for your team is important, but that sometimes you have to be tolerant of other people’s teams. Unless, of course, that team is Duke. Or Florida.

6. A really good daddy will let you practice driving without being too micromanaging. I remember once when we went to the beach we took two cars. John and I rode with Daddy in one car and he let us help with the driving. John was the newer driver, so Daddy sat in the front seat and read while John drove, occasionally reminding him to “watch your speed, son” and other cautions. When John drove through a yellow light, Daddy asked him “what does a yellow light mean?” and John answered “better hurry, the light’s going to turn red.” A good daddy laughs a little before he frowns and says “no, it means you need to get ready to stop.”

 

7. A really good daddy supports you no matter what. He says “you can be whatever you want to be.” Period.

8. A good daddy teaches you stuff. Like how to ride a bike or skate or build a race car or hunt. And he never gets annoyed with you when you keep needing to do it over.

 

9. A really good daddy protects you, whether it’s from a bad dream or when you go out in the ocean and jump the waves. A good daddy is always there for you to keep you safe.

10. A good daddy supports you when others treat you badly. My senior year in high school was a tough year. A lot of my classmates discovered drugs and bad behavior and that changed a lot of relationships. People who had been my friends in the past now no longer were. I had gone out of town with my family for Thanksgiving but came back early to go to a friend’s wedding. While we were gone someone egged our house. A former friend (who was still pretending to be a friend) was at the wedding and made a comment about throwing things that made me certain she was the culprit. When I told Daddy, he wanted to go to the police. I talked him out of it because I knew it would just create more problems for me and he finally backed down. But that’s when I knew for sure that Daddy would always have my back.

11. A really good daddy will be there for you when you need him. Daddy went with me to Cincinnati when I moved up there. I was a little afraid of moving that far away and having him there for a little while really helped.

12. A good daddy loves you even when you’re being a jerk. When I was in junior high school, that’s when I went through my rebellious phase. I hated my parents and told them that I wanted to go to boarding school. But Daddy still hung in there with me and waited me out.

13. A good daddy will keep your secrets. At least the ones that don’t hurt anyone else. And that’s all I’ll say about that.

14. A really good daddy knows when you needed a hug – virtual or otherwise. I had a bad time at work when I lived far away from home. Daddy knew the right things to say and, of course, assumed that the people at work were idiots. That meant more to me than he would ever know.

15. A good daddy will help you out when you need it, even after he said he wouldn’t. I bought a car while I was in college so that I could live off campus. My parents didn’t want me to do either. So I was told that if I had problems with the car, that was on me. One Friday when I was leaving Athens to come home, the transmission locked up on my car. Daddy came and got me after arranging for my car to be towed to the dealership. When they called to tell me I needed a new transmission I remember crying in the kitchen because I couldn’t afford it. Daddy bailed me out.

16. A good daddy will give you advice, whether you want it or not and whether it makes sense or not. Daddy gave me a lot of good advice during my life, but it was some of the silly advice that I remember most. Like when he told me that if I had to drink my coffee with milk and sugar in it that I just shouldn’t drink coffee. And that if I needed to put something in my liquor so that I couldn’t taste it, I shouldn’t drink it. I took him up on the first, but not the second!

I was very lucky to have a really good daddy in my life, even if it wasn’t for long enough. But he’s always in my heart and I think about him most every day. He was definitely the best!